London Time
Me with my cousins daughter aged 2 weeks.
Working for the website http://www.pureadam.com/ I am often on discussion boards and groups where very sensitive issues are raised, and people ask advice about the difficult decisions they find themselves faced with.
Viewing these discussions has made me question my own standpoint on some things, and I thought I would cover this on my blog. Perhaps it will allow you to question what your own decision would be in the same circumstance....
Would you conceive with donated sperm?
It isn't any ones first choice of conception, but for many sperm donation is the last resort to having a child. If I was single and approaching my 40s, or in a relationship with a man who had fertility problems, I have recently wondered whether I would consider sperm donation. The thought of being inseminated with the sperm of a stranger does not sit comfortably with me. However it sits far more comfortably than the concept of a life without having children, so I think that yes, in certain circumstances I would choose sperm donation. In regards to this, I can see why people use a site such as PureAdam. Sperm donation would seem a little less daunting if the sperm did not come from a complete stranger. If you could at least have seen what that person looked like and communicated with them in some way it would be less of an unknown. I believe many of our users feel more confident having hand picked a donor themselves from the site, rather than from a random donation at a sperm bank.
Would you allow your husband to donate sperm?
This has been a topic on some discussion boards I've viewed recently. I must say that no, controlling or selfish as it may reflect me to be, I would not allow my husband to donate sperm. Purely for the fear that somewhere down the line there may be a grown adult seeking a father figure from my husband. However, if I embarked on a new relationship with someone who revealed they had donated sperm in the past, I would accept that as a part of who they were when I met them. In fact I think it would put them in a good light in my eyes - donating sperm is a selfless act and they may have made someones life and family complete by choosing to donate. Ironic isn't it - that I would admire sperm donation as a past act of compassion, but forbid such a move in my own marriage. Well I never claimed to be a straight forward kind of woman...
Would you tell your child they were donor conceived?
A further debate on sperm donation is whether or not to inform the child. The overwhelming opinion on the discussion forums is that yes, most people plan to or have told their child of their unusual conception. My own standpoint? I would tell my child they were donor conceived and hope that they took from that my heartfelt desire to have them. Sperm donation is a length those who are desperate for a child will go to in order to make that wish come true. Instead of feeling embarrassed or confused, I hope any resulting children feel absolutely wanted by the mothers who embarked on such a journey to have them.
